Being Weak
by midnightandcounting
Summary: "The problem with tears is that they never get you anywhere." Shelby's thoughts on her background and her and Scott's relationship. In poem format... sort of. Rated T for language.


**AN: Hello! I'm taking a break from my other fic and this suddenly hit me. So I wrote it. It's from Shelby's perspective after the show ended. She is talking to Scott. There aren't really any spoilers but you won't get the quote if you haven't seen all of the episodes. Let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Higher Ground or any of the characters. I also don't own the quote in the second to last stanza (that's from episode 21 of Higher Ground.)**

Being Weak

The problem with tears is that they get you nowhere

They don't bring you food, or warmth, or a sense of direction

They don't suddenly make everything better, or cause a miracle

That's why I left tears behind long ago, on those cold, harsh streets

Weaknesses aren't just burdens in that world-they're lethal

One slip, one wrong move and you're gone

Not that anyone would care it that happened

You're just another lost person wandering in a lost world

So I gave it all up, all my faults, or so I told myself

Maybe I didn't bury them deep enough

Maybe I was only kidding myself all along

But either way, they caught up with me, and now they drag me down

All those fronts I put up, all those shields and barriers

That "suck my dick and die in a hole" attitude I flung around

No one was supposed to break through it, no one was supposed to see _**me**_

The real me, the one crying in the corner waiting for a savior, or even just a smile

Why are we so pathetic on the inside?

Why can't we deal with whatever life shoves down our throats on our own?

Why do monsters and demons and nightmares and fiends have to be so real?

Why is life so damn fucked up in the first place? -Why try?

For all my dark thoughts and hatred of the world,

I'm still just me, a crying little girl with no one to care

At least until you came along with your own sad story

Always poking and prodding and trying to understand me

I wasn't used to that, which is why I was such a bitch

I guess all those walls worked for a little while

Because I kept you out at first, it was damn hard though

But you still won in the end, which is all that matters in the scheme of things

How did you get past all of my defenses without my even noticing?

They crumbled like sand under your gentle pressure

I really think that it was just my weaknesses in the end, after all-

All I ever really wanted was for someone to lean on, and be pathetic with

I guess it doesn't really matter now, because I'm falling fast and hard

I can't stop my tears anymore, I can't hide my weaknesses

Where did my coldhearted bitch act go? I can't find it anymore

That scares me, but not as much as the words that slip from my tongue in your presence

Letting out all of my pains and fears and memories

I've never done that before, never

It's terrifying to lose control over myself

After years of locking everything away

These words that drip from my mouth

Faster than the tears from my eyes,

They bring you and me closer and bind us together

I find it funny that getting what I've always wanted is so scary

So don't screw me over or leave me here alone

Because it's too late now, I've let you in and I can't let you out

I never thought I would be this weak again, I promised myself I wouldn't

"_I didn't have any signs…"_

So I made my own rules and boundaries and did my best to survive

Now that I don't need those rules, now that I have nothing to cling to

I'm choosing to cling to you, that's the best I can sum it up

These stupid, weak tears are finally getting me somewhere-

Your heart

**AN: Ummmmmm… Yeah. What is there to say? I think the ending was a little weak and I know the arrangement could be better so it flowed more naturally. Considering I wrote this in five minutes of inspired madness, it's actually not that bad.**

**Please leave any comments or criticisms after the beep…**

**BEEP! 3**


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